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[dothelokimotion]

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[thecoolerloki]

Go ahead then. We have time. So long as you want to stay in this memory, I'll allow you to.

[dothelokimotion]

[ this is what he gets for attempting to do one (1) nice thing. it always backfires.

still, he gives it some thought. ]

Can you not be . . . drawn out of him?

[thecoolerloki]

Nope! [answers the child. Where'd the old man go? No one knows!] BTW, who is him?

[dothelokimotion]

[ so they're the same, but also in a cycle of killing each other for control. fantastic. ]

Only we would do this to ourselves.

[thecoolerloki]

It's what everyone else does to us.

[Loki hums, circling his other self.]

I wonder if your Thor would like you better as a child too.

[dothelokimotion]

Most likely. But he learned to accept me as I am. And if I change, he'll accept that too.

[ hmm. ]

Is that why you keep fluctuating between forms?

[thecoolerloki]

Accept is different from like.

[Even when Asgard's accepted Loki, it's never really liked him.]

It's difficult for me to stay in this form due to the spell, even here. But I know it's what you prefer.

[dothelokimotion]

It may be but for Thor, it changes little.

[ even with thor's last words still ringing in his head, loki doesn't truly believe it would change anything. thor had loved him. maybe not as much as loki would like or want, for he wants it all, but he had loved loki.

loki had been loved. ]

I don't recall saying that.

Honestly, I thought it's what you preferred.

[thecoolerloki]

You were going to end the link before I shifted back. You've been treating me differently too.

[As for his preference,]

If I stay in a form long enough, I will become it.

[dothelokimotion]

Because I haven't gotten to know you. Personally, you are a rather precocious person to know!

And I'm trying to do it differently. To do things right without making a mess. I meant what I said. I'm not in the business of ending existences or taking things away. I'm not — I'm not that.

[thecoolerloki]

From my perspective, we've known each other for some time.

[When your reference for a lifetime is only about a year and a half....]

If this fails, if I'm not able to shapeshift back, no one will want to be near me. Even Ikol is afraid of me now.

[dothelokimotion]

[ his expression softens a little. it is true that the form has coloured his perception. he still remembers the changed loki and he can't help but fear an older, more powerful loki.

but he also meant what he said. ]

I would still like be around you. Even if you're a hellion. I have . . . enjoyed our conversations. No one can be accused of being bored when you are around.

If I hurt you by . . . treating you differently because of your form, I . . . apologize. I'm still getting used to . . . you. Us. But I am here to help. If I can.

[thecoolerloki]

I'll be a sad old man. [Like you, goes without saying.] And I won't know anything about memes.

[He sighs and sits down, older once more as he hugs his knees to his chest in a rather childish pose.]

In Asgard, barely anyone ever treated me like a child. I had to do everything I could to prove that I was different from him, that I could change.

But here, Stephen Strange took me into his home with little issue. Kate Bishop automatically granted me membership into the Young Avengers. Even Tony Stark is concerned for my well-being.

[And it's useful, yes, but the main reason he hates being treated like a child isn't because he wants to be seen as mature or equal to the others. It's because he doesn't feel as if he deserves any of the kindness offered to him.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ first of all, rude. loki sighs, sitting down as well, legs folded and across from the other loki. ]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be a child. And I don't think it's something you need to prove either way.

[ love . . . is for children after all. ]

You are not . . . welcomed simply because you are a child, though you're not wrong that it does play a part. But you're are also welcomed because people enjoy your company. And I imagine, despite any shifts, that will still hold true. We just get startled by change.

[ the "we" is important. for all lokis boast of handling change well, that is not necessarily the truth. ]

It does not mean it's never accepted. Or liked. But you need to make those choices.

[thecoolerloki]

[Change is good. Change or die. I would rather die than not change.]

... I still haven't heard your answer, you know. Why did Loki do it?

[dothelokimotion]

[ why does loki do anything? he's quiet, thinking back to those final moments. ]

Sometimes, the despair wins. When you don't see a way out. No clever ruse, no sneaky side door. It is moments like that when you have to choose what kind of end you have to be.

[ a soft exhale. ]

Or I'm just being facetious. I know I did it for Thor. I wanted Thor to live. I didn't want to exist in a place where Thor didn't.

[thecoolerloki]

Why do you exist here then?

[It's asked genuinely, without any of the usual teasing.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ he shrugs loosely. ]

Out a perverse need to keep living, even if I'm expected to die and stay that way. That's why I started the theatre. It was meant to give me something to hold onto.

[thecoolerloki]

... I miss Leah.

[The confession is seemingly out of nowhere, but she’s really all he could think about when the other Loki talked about Thor.

If she were here, she would’ve laughed at him and insulted his new appearance nonstop. But she would’ve understood immediately what it meant to him. She was still the only person who understood him fully, and one could cynically say that’s because Loki made her. But if that was true, why couldn’t the other Lokis understand him as easily?

Still, this was a start.

And that start is enough to end the link between their minds because! Loki’s hand is no longer on his forehead. How can it be, when he’s two feet shorter than he was before?]

Thank you.

[Enjoy the memories of mini-Hela!]

[dothelokimotion]

[ he'll just add that to the memories bouncing around. still . . . it must be nice. having a friend like that. a companion. loki always had thor for that, so he never truly sought anyone else and he found it difficult when thor's shadow covered him.

perhaps trying to act like they're all the same isn't beneficial. ]

You're welcome.

[thecoolerloki]

[A moment or two passes because whereas before he'd just portal out of here, he really doesn't have the magic to do that anymore so...]

Do you want to get milkshakes? To celebrate our not being old and/or blue.

[dothelokimotion]

Why not?

I've never tried it.

[thecoolerloki]

What! Take us to the nearest diner immediately, we must remedy this!

[dothelokimotion]

[ so like any restaurant?? ]

Would they all have these milkshakes?

[thecoolerloki]

Any traditional American diner should. And since you've never had any, I imagine even the most basic milkshake will do for now.