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[dothelokimotion]

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[dothelokimotion]

[ he saw this coming. he's not mad, more perplexed though he wonders if he's too easily led. loneliness has made him weaker, it seems. ]

I don't require compensation, but I would ask for some honesty, if possible.

What did he mean?

[ikols]

I feel like a dick about it, if that means anything. I think you're one of the better Lokis I've met. I will be honest now, at least.

[ Lying is always such a faster way to eke out the truth, is all. ]

You'll have to specify, he talks some serious shit.

[dothelokimotion]

Do I?

[ their younger self had been pretty clear. ]

His death seems to be a sticking point.

[ikols]

He will be very floral with the language he uses should he tell you, so I shall not.

Once, an Old Man named Loki died and he put his soul and magic into an imprint of himself; it had nothing but its original menace and intent. A boy was born, a new Loki, and this boy thought he tamed the old soul with mockery of their name, yet the harmless bird he twisted the old soul into was cleverer and crueller by far, its guile was greater for all its former life experiences ... and it tricked the boy into devouring it. The child consumed the essence of the original Loki, allowing the old one's plan to give himself life anew to come to fruition.

I was born of a fear of dying. [ Guess who was the bird. ] Until I breathed my first breath, felt the blood in a brain of my own, I did as I was created to do.

I was sorry for it, after. Very sorry. The boy was as innocent as any Loki can be and I, through following the old one's plan like cogs trapped in the machine of his machinations, took from him everything.

He knows only that I murdered him, as I was created to do, and nothing of what followed.

[dothelokimotion]

[ oh. that is indeed a difficult thing to parse. to know all that potential was snuffed before it was grown. but it was no greater or worse than his own crimes, so he had no censure to give. still, it is bitter. the cycles of pain always are. ]

He believes you will kill him again. That he still harbours the ghost of that Loki.

Is it true? Is he haunted?

[ikols]

He is a ghost, long-dead in our reality and rather a haunter of me. I could not bear to wear his skin and burned myself into this one, that is why he and I look slightly different. I chose my appearance, all he can do is grow into that of the old man. Power corrupts us and he was not intended to ever have more than a little, it is where the other half of his bitterness stems from.

[ Sighing, he shakes his head. ]

He has told the tale of murder so often, yet it grieves me to speak of our past at all. Gods do not have history but stories, and of them I am the chief. The God of Stories, as well as lies and such. Lies are tales told to suit the skald speaking, of course.

He tries to control and corner me in these horrific old tales yet I have come to terms with my sin, I will not be badgered into being his Bad Guy again; not by the old man or the young boy.

They are more alike than they ever thought.

[dothelokimotion]

[ it rings like the truth, but loki isn't so sure. the fact that the conversation halted so quickly once their younger self brandished the sin speaks volumes. ]

Perhaps not, but you corner him as well. It'll never end like this.

[ikols]

I fear only the ruin an angry soul like his could cause. He has a child's covetousness and jealousy, more dangerous than any lie or trick I could make, and more than that he resents that Thor ever forgave me for his murder.

For my brother knows me, knows what I did, and yet remains my brother still. We drink and eat together, as brothers should. This would break the boy to learn; his love is adoration scorned, in such circumstances.

[dothelokimotion]

[ yeah. if loki had been put in such a position, he would have become riotous with rage. he would have torn worlds apart. in a child, though, it feels even more painful. his time cut so short. ]

There must be something. He is here now. He deserves his own story, surely.

[ikols]

He is angry above all. I offered to take him home and keep him safe, but now I feel he would tear down Asgard itself atop me if it meant he could claim the title of Loki again.

Each time he names me his murderer he makes me closer to one by affecting my story, it is only my vast experience being visited by my future self who endured the same torture from others that I do not falter. As I said, I will not become his personal villain. We were both victims in the old one's schemes.

He could stay here and become the Loki of this realm ... but he misses Thor.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki's expression falls, unable to help himself. ]

Don't we all.

[ikols]

We can miss Thor without turning into obsessive little sociopaths about him.

[dothelokimotion]

That depends. Does he have anyone else besides Thor? Someone who remembers as he is?

Where does his memory live now?

[ikols]

In me.

His shade walks as a construct now and then, it ventures to spend time with Angela our sister and pops up to guilt-trip me when I think on him too often.

I was beaten before all of Asgard by Thor for the crime I committed. It has taken years for him to accept me.

[dothelokimotion]

[ he shakes his head. ]

It matters. But it's not enough. He'll be nothing but a footnote and if the roles were reversed, you would chafe.

[ikols]

Aye, but the difference is ... I am Loki, whereas he merely was.

[dothelokimotion]

And how is he supposed to think of himself as was? How does anyone?

[ how is anyone supposed to cope with hollowed loss of grief and pain? what would he have to fill it with? there's nothing. ]

He needs more.

[ikols]

This is why he remained dead, part of me. We cannot both be Loki. In his eternal rest he is Loki forever, in this realm he is a potent little redcap thirsting for what he knows not but cannot stop searching.

That boy is not a boy, he is one of us. His form is a mirror of his innocence. Power corrupts and he was never intended to have more of it.

[dothelokimotion]

[ is this why the boy had no magical power? ]

Thirsts can be managed. Or fed. Surely we can find a way to divert it?

[ikols]

I was given the memories and the magic, the lion's share, and it made me blind until a child was slain by my hand. He was not written to be a full-grown Loki, he does not know how to be anything but what he is.

Responsibility for his darker actions makes him cry, for Odin's sake.

He murdered Thor, you know. Sent him to Hel in exchange for peace on Asgard. That is not a sweet child with no schemes under his belt.

[dothelokimotion]

Yes. He mentioned something of that sort to me.

[ but to give up would be . . . what? loki isn't one to save people. he's never saved anything. only sacrificed himself towards the inevitable and hoped thor would carry the rest. he's not sure what to do, just that something needs to be done.

he looks away, rubbing his palms. ]

What would Thor do? Thor would find a way.

[ikols]

This is not Thor's business, it is for Loki to deal with Loki.

I would be kind to him, you know. I would have made this realm his own, and offered him a world to grow up in, yet all he is focused on is bitter envy.

The dead cannot change, a boy no more than an old man.

[dothelokimotion]

[ the boy needs more than kindness, but what, even loki is not sure. ]

But he is still not that old man. Is he?

[ikols]

He made himself an older image in my kitchen, like to me but not. A mirror distorts our faces with different lights.

It felt like ... watching him consume a piece of me that he ought not to touch. Years of my own I saw snatched away by childish, angry fingers.

Imagine if I wore your face and laughed in it.

[dothelokimotion]

You didn't answer my question.

Is he?