( ad astra ) inbox

[dothelokimotion]

@ tricks
text ✰ voice ✰ holovid

Comments

[thirtythird]

I had no idea what to make of it. That it had happened or that I had enjoyed it.

[A problem very much of his place and time--which is, as ever, an oddly wonderful thing to realize.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki continues to look a little perplexed, but he nods. asgard was very traditional in certain aspects, but gender and sexuality had never been one of them. loki was loki, regardless of which form he took or who he enjoyed. ]

Ah. A confusing time.

[thirtythird]

It's quite difficult, being young. [Regardless of the constraints or freedoms society allowed, he's fairly certain.] Trying to sort through yourself. Build the person you'd like to be.

[Although he's fairly certain it had been easier for his friends who weren't concerned about the legal status of their sexual inclinations.]

Do you remember your first kiss?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki shakes his head. ]

No. It was centuries ago and there was never anyone . . . real enough to connect to. I believe I did it simply because I felt I was . . . falling behind the rest in carnal matters.

[thirtythird]

[His laugh is reedy, head shaking very slightly.]

No winning, is there. You get in trouble for starting too young and a panic for starting too old. [Another tight squeeze of fingers before he pulls his husband's knuckles to his lips.] Bit easier with every year, though.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki smiles faintly. ]

I suppose it does. I suppose I just . . . never trusted love. I never had any reason to after . . . everything that happened.

[thirtythird]

Are they always linked, do you think? Love and physicality?

[dothelokimotion]

[ hmm. ]

It depends on how you approach it. I can use my physicality the way I choose. I am not bound by gender or shape. And I have used it to get what I want.

[ especially on sakaar. ]

But when I don't need to . . . why does it matter? As long as I can demonstrate what is felt.

[thirtythird]

[Difficult to parse, but inherently reassuring.]

Would a house demonstrate it well?

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki takes in a steadying breath. ]

It would mean . . . a future. Are you . . . sure about that? I'm not — I don't have any answers.

[thirtythird]

That's all right, love.

[It's a learning process, navigating this uncertainty, but it doesn't hurt to face now.]

I would like, very much, to buy you a house. With a library and a garden and... a plan to remain there, with you, for whatever time we have.

[dothelokimotion]

[ oh. when he agreed to the marriage, loki knew he was convincing himself to play a fantasy. to the idea that he could have anything lasting on this journey, something that was his, that the anomaly couldn't tear away from him.

it blossomed into so much more.

he tugs william's knuckles to his lips as he blinks the tears away. ]

[thirtythird]

[The entire moment feels a bit like a lump in the throat. Nevertheless, William's lips can't be stopped from twitching up into a smile, fingers squeezing tighter.]

I'm certain. That's enough.

[dothelokimotion]

I — [ what is he supposed to do? chase the potential of a life with william? where he could be loved and live freely?

and what of thor? loki swore he wouldn't abandon thor again. could he choose selfishly? ] — I hope so.

[thirtythird]

Please trust this, mo laochain. [It takes shifting to get close enough to press a kiss to Loki's forehead, firm and present.] I am... immeasurably happy as I am. As we are.

[With the pieces of his husband he had, and with the pieces he suspected he didn't. With the nerves that bubbled up about the future, with the complexities of their own lives stretching in opposite directions.]

Truly.

[dothelokimotion]

[ trust. not the easiest feeling for loki to summon up, but in this, he had no doubts. he gives a little nod. ]

As we are.

[thirtythird]

And wherever we go, love.

[Just to be clear. Clear seems important.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki's throat goes tight as he blinks more tears from his eyes. ]

William . . .

[thirtythird]

[The click of his tongue is soft, hand shaking free to reach up and smooth protectively at his husband's cheek.

Love is such a funny creature.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ they slip past his cheeks, unbidden to pool near the collar of his tunic. but loki tilts his head slightly to press a soft kiss to the pads of william's fingertips. ]

[thirtythird]

Oh, love.

[This is the problem with honesty. This is the joy of honesty?]

You ought to rest.

[dothelokimotion]

[ he shakes his head and winces at the crick in his head. ]

I'm fine. Truly.

[thirtythird]

I ought to rest, then.

[But possibly here, where he could keep smoothing tear=tracks from his husband's cheeks.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ his lips twitch slightly. ]

You should. How are you feeling of late?

[thirtythird]

Remarkably well, actually.

[Given the very, very sorry state he'd been in before meeting Loki in the hall.]

You're to thank for that.