( ad astra ) inbox

[dothelokimotion]

@ tricks
text ✰ voice ✰ holovid

Comments

[dothelokimotion]

[ he sighs. ]

Perhaps. I've gotten better at recognizing my true form and untangling the lies I was told but . . . I've never grown to love it.

Not even Thor has seen it.

[thirtythird]

[Another pause, where the impulse to reach out lives and has to be quashed by the distance between them.]

Would it help, do you think?

[dothelokimotion]

. . . I don't know. I don't know what I'll see in his eyes.

[thirtythird]

Something to ponder, perhaps.

When you're proper well. Not now.

[dothelokimotion]

Mmm. It's not important.

When we're properly recovered, I'll show you my spoils.

[thirtythird]

You're important, love.

[Always important to underline.]

Anything particularly fetching?

[dothelokimotion]

[ oh. that's . . . nice to hear. important. it's warming to the soul. ]

Plenty of gold and jewelry, some strange gemstones and a lot of alcohol.

[thirtythird]

[His laugh isn't quite right, too tired at the edges, but it's very much rattling its way down the line.]

Good man. [His voice is still warm as, at least.] Strange how?

[dothelokimotion]

I'm not sure yet. I can't quite tell if they're magical or not.

[thirtythird]

If anyone can sort it out, love, it's you.

Later, mind.

[dothelokimotion]

Of course. It can wait.

[ loki pauses, thor's words stewing in his head. we're trying to find the way to best love you. if only loki knew what that looked like. ]

I, ah, didn't mean to scare you. I know that is a poor apology and I have . . . difficult treating my life as . . . something of import. But I assure you, I was always — I am always going to choose you.

[thirtythird]

[As with so many things, it helps and hurts to hear, all in the same tangled sensation.]

Will it get easier?

[dothelokimotion]

Ah. Which part?

[thirtythird]

Knowing the value of your own life.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki vacillates between a lie and the truth. the lie would go down easier and it may turn into truth later. while the truth is unkind to loki. it always has been. ]

It should. It is simply taking a great deal of unlearning on my part.

[thirtythird]

I know.

[Which takes time. Which takes chipping away at.]

I wish there were-- more to do. To help.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki inhales sharply. ]

You do plenty. What makes you think you have not?

[thirtythird]

Human nature, I suppose.

[dothelokimotion]

[ briefly, he wonders if william seems him as damaged goods. porcelain that needs fixing all the time.

it doesn't make loki sound very attractive. ]

I see. Rest assured, it is not as bad as Thor makes it out to be.

[thirtythird]

It isn't...

[He's made half his career of this--will make his entire career of it if they're ever returned to their own place and time (less 'home,' these days, and more 'back there'). It's odd, how difficult it is all the same to pin down about himself.]

When you're all healed up, darling, and-- when you're entirely contented, I'll still wish there were more to do. I want to... do for you.

[dothelokimotion]

[ his breath hitches unintentionally. plans of a future. it makes him shiver. ]

What — What would you like to do?

[thirtythird]

[His laugh, at least, is his own. The exhaustion is properly receding now, leaving a sense of himself properly intact.]

Only mad, useless things, darling. There's so little you couldn't do for yourself twice as well and with half the effort.

[dothelokimotion]

[ william might hear the shake and swish of loki's hair. ]

No. I want to know. I want to hear it all.

Please.

[thirtythird]

I...

[This is what he can do. This is what he can actually give. The discomfort of untangling honest pieces of himself has already been survived and will be again.]

--can I come see you?

[Loki should be resting. (William should be resting.) It's just that it's not the same this way.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ laughter, like bells. ]

My brother isn't around. I won't tell him if you won't.