[ loki considers listing all the reasons. he ruined everything. he ruined their people. he ruined their future. loki has ruined everything. but he didn't want to give thor those reasons. he didn't want thor to change his mind.
selfish. but he has always been that way. ]
Do you think it's a good idea?
[ an echo, do you think it's wise to bring me to earth? ]
( his answer to that question seems like a lifetime ago now, and it's changed since then. loki died, horribly. they found themselves here. they most definitely aren't anywhere near earth. yes, the presence of several other avengers might complicate things, but that doesn't change thor's conviction. loki should be here, with him. )
The sun can't shine on us again if you keep to yourself, brother.
[ so demanding. but loki can't help feeling the slight brush of warmth. thor still wants him to stay. he can't be that bad, can he? anyway, he didn't have much in the way of goods and belongings so he finds himself quickly outside thor's door.
a beat. loki rests his palm on the door, letting in a deep breath. it'll be fine.
( so polite, knocking instead of just barging in like thor expected him to. he laughs to himself before he drags himself out of his bed to answer the door. in a way, this whole thing almost feels clandestine as loki so gracefully put it once β though loki moving in with him in the dead of night isn't exactly the same as enacting a treasonous plot to save asgard.
the door slides open, revealing thor grinning on the other side, smug in a way that's ultimately endearing. )
( did he deserve that? perhaps. but it's not going to stop the soft chuckle that escapes his throat. )
Oh, Loki...
( always with the jabs. and yet, it's so painfully fond, the way he says loki's name. he doesn't even have anything witty to say in response, so he simply follows loki further into the room, his face softening with something like nostalgia. he misses a lot of things (their home, the people they've lost), but most of all, at least at this particular moment, he misses his hair. he's still not quite used to the lack of it, still doesn't quite feel like himself without it. and it's strange how they've found themselves at a point now where loki's hair outlengthens thor's.
he reaches out, his palm brushing against a lock of loki's hair. )
[ and suddenly loki stiffens, his breath caught in his throat. that hand drifted too close to his throat, too close and loki ruthlessly stifles the sudden panic that rises like a gorge. breathe.
this is safe. thor is safe.
it takes him a few moments too long, but loki congratulates himself for turning and fixing thor an odd stare. ]
Since Fandral thought it was funny to dip them with honey.
[ to sweeten his disposition, fandral had said with a wink. of course loki had gotten him back by putting beetles in his soap. ]
( ah, of course. there's a pang in his chest at the mention of his old friend, but it eases him a little to know that one day they'll meet again within the halls of valhalla, that one day the'll all feast together again and recount the tales of glorious battle.
and if he noticed the way loki stiffened, he doesn't say anything about it. he thinks it's probably better not to. even as oafish as thor may be sometimes, he can surmise the reason why: a hand too close, a wound still too fresh. he'll have to be more careful. )
Fandral never was as funny as he thought. ( even if, most of the time, thor was laughing along with him anyway. but this isn't about fandral. ) Will you let me? Wear them in my stead, at least until my hair grows out.
( as if that's the only reason. as if it's not just because he wants to braid loki's hair. but he does, and he will, if loki allows it. )
[ it was an odd request. certainly not one loki thought he'd even entertain, much less hear pass through thor's lips. but they're both scrambling for normalcy. or at least thor is. loki isn't sure what he's searching for, feeling more adrift than he usually was.
he gives a careless shrug. ]
Why not? Since we're both awake at an abysmal hour.
( odd, perhaps, but thor's been feeling more sentimental than usual of late, been searching for any excuse to be near his brother, to keep him close. maybe it's just protectiveness after how cruelly loki was taken from him, maybe it's ... a little of something else. something ancient and buried yawning awake somewhere deep inside his soul, crawling steadily to the surface.
a pleased smile pulls at his lips when loki acquiesces. thor hadn't necessarily expected him to agree, contrary as he tends to be. )
Come on, then. ( he moves to sit on the bed, patting the space in front of him in case loki has any hesitation. ) Any special requests, brother?
[ loki hesitates before shaking his head. he's not sure he had the ability to voice requests of any kind. not from thor. loki is unworthy. unworthy to be here, unworthy to survive. it still clogs up his throat.
( thor doesn't say anything for a moment, simply brushes his fingers through loki's hair (softer, less greasy than normal), visualizing where the braids will go. )
Why? Do you think it beneath me? Beneath you?
( beneath thor because he is king. beneath loki because these are warrior's braids (and he has never considered himself a warrior). but thor has no wish to be king here; he is simply thor. and loki has proven himself a warrior, at least in the eyes of the only person that matters.
he pulls three small strands together behind loki's ear, weaving them in and out, his hands gentle despite their size. )
[ loki wets his lips, feeling parched all of the sudden. as if uncertainty has sapped away at it. at this point, nothing is beneath loki. he's gone as low as one would expected. no more dizzying heights, no longer trying to be more. best to set aside childish dreams.
his fingers dig into the bed. ]
Us being together. Is this right? Is this . . . what I deserve?
( his hands work with a mind of their own, making intricate plaits out of loki's hair β far more decorative, perhaps, than thor's when his hair had been this long. but since they speak of what loki deserves ... )
Of course it is. ( he isn't just saying it, he believes it. ) I never wanted to rule without you by my side.
( he never wanted to rule, period. but he knew if he had to, he would need his brother with him, just as he does now. their paths may have diverged long ago, but it finally feels like they're starting to converge once more. that's all thor's ever really wanted. )
What else must I do to convince you this is where you belong?
[ loki looks down at his hands. underneath his skin lies jotun blue. to some degree, he has gotten over the sense that being jotun is the root of his problems, though loki will never feel comfortable in that form. the urge to peel it away is a constant.
he clenches his hands, nails digging into his palms. the pain helps. you shouldn't convince me, you shouldn't even be here with me, I ruined your happiness, I ruined my home and I can't be more than I wanted.
instead he replies, in a wry tone. ]
Well, we have time. You can spend it convincing me.
( there are things they aren't going to talk about now, or possibly ever, that thor feels more distinctly, a buzz beneath his fingertips that he's decidedly ignoring. weaving loki's hair helps distract him from the unspoken things clawing at his chest, desperate to be released; from the complicated cocktail of emotions attempting to filter through the bond forged by nanites.
he huffs quietly. )
I can't imagine you'll make it easy for me.
( loki never does. but that's alright. this probably wouldn't work if there wasn't a challenge.
his hands drop away from loki's hair as he inspects his handiwork. )
[ loki chuckles because he's never been the envy of anyone, especially not with thor around, but sure. he'll be the "envy of the ship". it's a nice illusion. his fingers brush against the braids idly. ]
( and see they shall. thor has faith enough in loki that surely someone on this ship will envy him, will fall enamored with him as thor so often finds himself enamored, braids or no braids. )
No need to thank me, brother.
( he leans in, fitting his face into the crook of loki's neck, his cheek warm against skin. his arms snake around loki's waist, pulling him into something of an embrace; an excuse to be close, really. thor is greedy for all the closeness he can get, and tonight is no exception. he won't budge lest loki might be ripped away from him again.
he closes his eye, his weary restlessness seeping slowly out of him as he breathes loki in, the familiar scent of him. it's comforting, to know that he's still real. he presses a small, faint smile into loki's shoulder, the whisper of a kiss. )
[ loki closes his eyes briefly, a brief sigh slipping out. thor's steady weight feels like an anchor in rocky waters. though loki has always been the less demonstrative of them both, unsure of always reaching out, of feeling welcome, he's not immune to the turbulence they're both facing. and he can see it in thor, plain as day.
loki has storms inside of him after all. his arms rest gently on top of thor's, fingers brushing against knuckles, as loki tilts his head towards thor slightly. ]
When you say it like that, I'd think you were trying to tempt me.
( not that it'd be a particularly hard sell, the way thor finds his mouth drifting toward loki's, chasing the yearning in his chest directly to its source (close, but not close enough, not yet). )
I'm glad you're here, Loki.
( here, specifically in this room with him, yes, but also here in general, alive. he's not sure he ever said it before, though the sentiment has always been present on his face. )
[ but he gently puts thor's arms away. even if he wanted, well — it's best not to want what he won't have. instead he heads towards the bed, pulling the covers back so he can lie on his side.
( a laugh nearly escapes thor's mouth; instead it's a short huff of a thing, disappointed, almost, by the way loki releases him. )
You know I am.
( and so he follows, the wave ever chasing the shore, planting himself on the bed so they fit side by side, face to face. he reaches for one of loki's hands, pulling the back of it to his lips to press a kiss there. loki already knows of the storms still raging inside of thor (whether they talk about them or not), and some of their rains trickle in through the contact, but largely they're drowned out by the overwhelming adoration thor feels and the desire beneath it. )
[ he does. loki knows thor best, loved him more dearly than anyone else. whether that has done him any favors or not, loki wouldn't trade that. even with the constant broil of envy and jealousy, he still wouldn't.
still, loki watches thor kiss the back of his hand and on a whim, moves closer so that he can press a ear to thor's chest and listen to the steady beat of thunder underneath. others may fear storms, but loki grew up with them.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
dothelokimotion) wrote2020-04-18 07:42 am
no subject
selfish. but he has always been that way. ]
Do you think it's a good idea?
[ an echo, do you think it's wise to bring me to earth? ]
no subject
The sun can't shine on us again if you keep to yourself, brother.
( an echo for an echo. )
no subject
All right. I'll move in with you.
no subject
I'll be here.
( read: get over here. )
( text > action )
a beat. loki rests his palm on the door, letting in a deep breath. it'll be fine.
then he knocks. ]
no subject
the door slides open, revealing thor grinning on the other side, smug in a way that's ultimately endearing. )
See? Much larger.
( not by much, but that's not the point. )
no subject
Yes, just the right size for your ego. I'm surprised you can bear parting with the space.
no subject
Oh, Loki...
( always with the jabs. and yet, it's so painfully fond, the way he says loki's name. he doesn't even have anything witty to say in response, so he simply follows loki further into the room, his face softening with something like nostalgia. he misses a lot of things (their home, the people they've lost), but most of all, at least at this particular moment, he misses his hair. he's still not quite used to the lack of it, still doesn't quite feel like himself without it. and it's strange how they've found themselves at a point now where loki's hair outlengthens thor's.
he reaches out, his palm brushing against a lock of loki's hair. )
How long has it been since you've worn braids?
( too long, he thinks. )
no subject
this is safe. thor is safe.
it takes him a few moments too long, but loki congratulates himself for turning and fixing thor an odd stare. ]
Since Fandral thought it was funny to dip them with honey.
[ to sweeten his disposition, fandral had said with a wink. of course loki had gotten him back by putting beetles in his soap. ]
After that, it was simply easier not to bother.
no subject
and if he noticed the way loki stiffened, he doesn't say anything about it. he thinks it's probably better not to. even as oafish as thor may be sometimes, he can surmise the reason why: a hand too close, a wound still too fresh. he'll have to be more careful. )
Fandral never was as funny as he thought. ( even if, most of the time, thor was laughing along with him anyway. but this isn't about fandral. ) Will you let me? Wear them in my stead, at least until my hair grows out.
( as if that's the only reason. as if it's not just because he wants to braid loki's hair. but he does, and he will, if loki allows it. )
no subject
he gives a careless shrug. ]
Why not? Since we're both awake at an abysmal hour.
no subject
a pleased smile pulls at his lips when loki acquiesces. thor hadn't necessarily expected him to agree, contrary as he tends to be. )
Come on, then. ( he moves to sit on the bed, patting the space in front of him in case loki has any hesitation. ) Any special requests, brother?
no subject
quietly, he takes his seat next to thor. ]
I'm surprised you're considering this.
no subject
Why? Do you think it beneath me? Beneath you?
( beneath thor because he is king. beneath loki because these are warrior's braids (and he has never considered himself a warrior). but thor has no wish to be king here; he is simply thor. and loki has proven himself a warrior, at least in the eyes of the only person that matters.
he pulls three small strands together behind loki's ear, weaving them in and out, his hands gentle despite their size. )
no subject
[ loki wets his lips, feeling parched all of the sudden. as if uncertainty has sapped away at it. at this point, nothing is beneath loki. he's gone as low as one would expected. no more dizzying heights, no longer trying to be more. best to set aside childish dreams.
his fingers dig into the bed. ]
Us being together. Is this right? Is this . . . what I deserve?
no subject
Of course it is. ( he isn't just saying it, he believes it. ) I never wanted to rule without you by my side.
( he never wanted to rule, period. but he knew if he had to, he would need his brother with him, just as he does now. their paths may have diverged long ago, but it finally feels like they're starting to converge once more. that's all thor's ever really wanted. )
What else must I do to convince you this is where you belong?
( here, with me. always and forever. )
no subject
he clenches his hands, nails digging into his palms. the pain helps. you shouldn't convince me, you shouldn't even be here with me, I ruined your happiness, I ruined my home and I can't be more than I wanted.
instead he replies, in a wry tone. ]
Well, we have time. You can spend it convincing me.
no subject
he huffs quietly. )
I can't imagine you'll make it easy for me.
( loki never does. but that's alright. this probably wouldn't work if there wasn't a challenge.
his hands drop away from loki's hair as he inspects his handiwork. )
There. You'll be the envy of the entire ship.
no subject
We shall see.
But thank you.
no subject
No need to thank me, brother.
( he leans in, fitting his face into the crook of loki's neck, his cheek warm against skin. his arms snake around loki's waist, pulling him into something of an embrace; an excuse to be close, really. thor is greedy for all the closeness he can get, and tonight is no exception. he won't budge lest loki might be ripped away from him again.
he closes his eye, his weary restlessness seeping slowly out of him as he breathes loki in, the familiar scent of him. it's comforting, to know that he's still real. he presses a small, faint smile into loki's shoulder, the whisper of a kiss. )
We should go to bed now, I think.
( or try, perhaps. )
no subject
loki has storms inside of him after all. his arms rest gently on top of thor's, fingers brushing against knuckles, as loki tilts his head towards thor slightly. ]
Mmm. Come to be with me.
no subject
( not that it'd be a particularly hard sell, the way thor finds his mouth drifting toward loki's, chasing the yearning in his chest directly to its source (close, but not close enough, not yet). )
I'm glad you're here, Loki.
( here, specifically in this room with him, yes, but also here in general, alive. he's not sure he ever said it before, though the sentiment has always been present on his face. )
no subject
Are you not tempted, brother?
[ but he gently puts thor's arms away. even if he wanted, well — it's best not to want what he won't have. instead he heads towards the bed, pulling the covers back so he can lie on his side.
I'm glad you're here.
loki is, too. but he can't say it. ]
no subject
You know I am.
( and so he follows, the wave ever chasing the shore, planting himself on the bed so they fit side by side, face to face. he reaches for one of loki's hands, pulling the back of it to his lips to press a kiss there. loki already knows of the storms still raging inside of thor (whether they talk about them or not), and some of their rains trickle in through the contact, but largely they're drowned out by the overwhelming adoration thor feels and the desire beneath it. )
no subject
still, loki watches thor kiss the back of his hand and on a whim, moves closer so that he can press a ear to thor's chest and listen to the steady beat of thunder underneath. others may fear storms, but loki grew up with them.
tempted. tempting. debatable. ]
Perhaps.