dothelokimotion | [ penance inbox ]

I was . . . I was in Hellburbia. I was totally taken over. Brainwashed. It wasn't an act this time Loki. Me, who I am, was gone! I believed it, all of it! Everything was gone, it was just what they programed me with!

[Steve had always, always been able to come out of it. When someone tried to play with his mind, he knew, and he managed to win free eventually. In the town, he'd never even known it wasn't reality. Steve had never even had the vaguest idea there was a problem. And it had damn near destroyed him being brought out.]

[ ah. his expression softens. ]

You were not the only one. We all believed it.

But I don't! I don't get sucked in dammit! I fight that kinda thing! But I didn't! I didn't even know I should try! I liked it Loki! I loved my life there! It was a little lonely, but most of it was amazing! I . . . I didn't . . . I don't . . .

[Steve clutched hard at the man, mumbling into Loki's neck.]

I wish I was still there . . .

[ loki sighs. ]

There is no shame in giving into temptation when your mind is not your own. Of course you liked it. We all did.

I didn't see you there. I never saw you there.

[He'd have felt a pull to Loki if they'd met, he knew it. All of the people most important to him he'd felt connections to. But he hadn't seen Loki. Steve buried his face even closer to the man's skin, a sudden spurt of jealousy overwhelming him.]

Did you have a family? A spouse? Children?

[ loki clears his throat, a bit uncomfortable. ]

I was . . . ah, a dutiful wife. I stayed at home with Thor, my husband and our son.

Lucky. Who was your son?

[Steve might be jealous, but he was also happy in a way. Loki hadn't been alone. He'd been with his brother, loved and wanted. Loki deserved that. Loki deserved only good things.]

Tech. He stayed with us.

Tech? Oh, the one that claims to be a god. Were you happy love?

[Because Steve couldn't help himself. He had to poke at his own pain by proving another's happiness. But he also wanted to know that Loki had been happy. He needed to know the man hadn't suffered. Steve stroked Loki's hair, taking comfort from the touch.]

Who got you out?

[ a pause. ]

As happy as one could be. It still made me feel restless, that kind of life. But I enjoyed it while it lasted.

It was Romanoff's sister who got us out.

Only you would be restless with the man of your dreams and a child to boot.

[There was such fondness in his voice, and a little exasperation too. Married life and familyhood wasn't for everyone, and even spelled most of their general personality traits came through. It really wasn't a surprise Loki had been restless. But it was sad. Steve continued to pet the man, needing the comfort of touch to keep himself under control.]

Natasha's sister? She saved you guys? What's she like? I haven't met her yet.

[Which was really terrible of him.]

[ dryly. ]

Very droll. I imagine that comes from being by herself for so long.

[Steve snorted and leaned in, resting his lips against Loki's forehead as he spoke.]

I love you, you know that? I take it you two aren't best friends then?

Why would I be best friends with Romanoff's sister.

It was a joke love. It sounds like she's rather like you, but I'm not surprised you don't seem to like her much. She probably doesn't give you much respect, does she?

[Seeing that irritation on Loki's face just made him happy. It was so very Loki. Steve just loved the man damn much!]

[ he huffs. ]

No. Not that I'm interested in having it.

Oh definitely not. No one should kowtow to the great and powerful Loki. That would be a tragedy.

[Steve could usually get away with teasing the man, especially when he'd come because he was so upset and needed a non-judging friend. He was also smart enough to keep giving the man pets and compliments between the teases. His hands were still combing through Loki's hair, taking full advantage of his access to the man.]

[ he leans into the touch with a faint purr. ]

I'm quite done with worship anyway. It's not to my tastes anymore.

You sure about that? Because I really enjoying paying homage to my favorite god. I might have to go find another, lesser deity to go worship.

[Steve continued to touch Loki, soothed and comforted and getting exactly what he needed from being near the man. Loki didn't make demands of him he couldn't handle, and he didn't judge the way most other people might. That's what he needed. Focusing on Loki and the teasing was a relief.]

Your kind of worship is acceptable, but having everyone's would be a bit too much for me.

[ once upon a time, he would have liked that. the masses, at his feet, loving him, cheering him on. life and death has given him perspective. ]

Well, as long as I don't have to go looking for a new god, I guess I can be content with just you.

[Steve leaned in and kissed the man, both hands tangled in Loki's hair.]

Handsome man. You enthrall me.

[ loki hums into the kiss, pleased. ]

I aim to satisfy.

If I could take you home with me, I would. But you wouldn't come. Such a shame I have to steal little moments of your time.

[In a permanent fashion. Loki wasn't the type, as evidenced by his restlessness even when he had a fantasy family. Why did he always fall for people who just couldn't settle down? Steve kissed him again. And again.]

[ loki chuckles. ]

Such moments define us, do they not? And I am still here, for now.

With you, yes. Is there nothing that can satisfy you Loki? Nothing I can promise to keep you here with me forever?

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