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[dothelokimotion]

( you can reach Loki here )

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[rebuildyourruins]

I don't know, because it didn't happen.

[How can Thor tell Loki now what he might have done differently? He can't go back to a time before he knew all of this and answer truthfully. He grits his teeth in frustration for a moment.]

I wasn't dismissing you. There was more I had to consider than just-- just you.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki smiles bitterly at that. ]

No doubt.

[ still he waves a flippant hand. ]

It's not your mistake to bear.

[rebuildyourruins]

Damn it, Loki, I wasn't claiming it was. I just wanted-- an answer.

[A reason. Something to slot into the holes that were blown through his life so he can at least look at it and think, all right, that's what happened there.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ he purses his lips tightly before replying, in an even tone. ]

I took it because it presented an opportunity, a means of escape. I took it because we had nothing and it could have been a useful tool. I took it because I needed a way to leave if things changed between us.

The mistake I made was staying. I should have left. I should have died alone.

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor slams his glass down on the table before grabbing Loki by the shoulder, pulling him in face to face.]

Don't. There's much I could be angry about with what happened - but claiming that is the worst of all.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki flinches at the sound, but his shoulders square up despite himself. ]

Just because you don't like it does not make it false, Thor.

[rebuildyourruins]

Nor does your saying it make it true.

[dothelokimotion]

[ his expression was firm. ]

We both know it's true. You even believed it briefly when he came.

I should have done the right thing. But I chose to stay. That judgement is on me. And no one else.

[rebuildyourruins]

The right thing would have been talking to me about it first so we could decide on something together.

[With a sharp shake of the head, Thor looks away.]

I don't want to argue about this. There is little point - it already happened.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki's face tightens and his fingers curl into fists. ]

. . . Fine.

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor especially doesn't want to talk about Loki thinking it would have been better to die alone. He doesn't agree. Can't agree. He hates everything that happened, but imagining it going the same way with Loki isolated...?

He's silent for a long few moments before he speaks again, something defeated in his tone.]

If that had happened, I would never have known. I'd be expecting you to come back again.

[Forever.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ his expression twists at that. it sounds tragic, but — ]

Would you? Or would it be more realistic your lying brother ran off when things got difficult?

[rebuildyourruins]

Even if I thought that - [And he's not saying he would have. That's impossible to know.] - I would still expect to see you again sometime. After all, that has been the way of things for a while now.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki closes his eyes briefly. he thinks of the black mark in his chest, thick hands around his neck and the absence of sound and light in the void. the way of things indeed. when he opens his eyes, they're clear and calm once more. ]

Fair enough.

[rebuildyourruins]

[If he's honest, Thor isn't certain he wouldn't be waiting for such a thing even when Loki had died right in front of him. Being here immediately after the fact ... it blunts that madness, keeps it at arms' length more than he could manage at home. That doesn't mean it can't linger sometimes.]

There are no truly good options.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki has to smile at that. only a little, like it hurt, like a lie. he raises his glass. ]

Just the one.