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[dothelokimotion]

( you can reach Loki here )

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[dothelokimotion]

[ a small huff as he takes a sip. ]

No, I suppose not. I've come to expect it anyway.

[ softer. ]

Perhaps I need it to exist.

[rebuildyourruins]

You do?

[It's not the kind of sentiment Loki usually admits to.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ he's dead. at this point, what harm would sentiment do to him? that being said, there's still a thread of embarrassment that comes from saying so out loud and loki immediately slides his gaze away, nervous. ]

Don't look so surprised, Thor. Have some confidence.

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor huffs a laugh, familiar enough with Loki's discomfort.]

Sorry. I don't doubt you! It's just a force of habit.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki scowls which eventually devolves into a pout. ]

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor sips at his drink to hide his smile.]

Perhaps if you said it more often, I would grow used to it.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki shoots him a dirty look. ]

Don't push your luck.

[rebuildyourruins]

[All Loki gets in response is a chuckle, low and familiar.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki merely huffs. ]

Either way, it should be obvious. I made things painfully clear before my . . . parting.

[rebuildyourruins]

[It's the most apt description Loki could give. Thor wilts a little before nodding.]

Yeah. You did. Little though I like to think back on that moment.

[Staring into his glass for a moment, Thor takes a deep breath then turns to look at Loki. There's a question that's been plaguing him ever since that day and there's never been a good time to ask it. There still isn't one, but he has to ask, while things are as calm as they can be.]

Why didn't you tell me you had the Tesseract?

[dothelokimotion]

[ ah. loki's surprised this wasn't asked sooner, though they did have other things on their mind. he plays with his glass, absently. ]

The Tesseract was meant to be my means of escape. In case of Earth or . . . other complications.

[ in case thor changed his mind. or asgard. loki wasn't a fool. one good deed didn't change his standing. the possibility of being thrown out was still likely. a quiet pause. ]

It was also meant to be my bargaining chip. The Tesseract for a life. You knowing those things wouldn't have changed it.

[rebuildyourruins]

You don't know that.

[It comes out a little terse. Because if Thor had known about the Tesseract, there's every chance Loki would have had to speak about Thanos too. And if they had known in advance--]

You should have told me.

[dothelokimotion]

[ his eyes flash briefly. ]

And you would have done what, exactly? You wanted us to go to Earth. You wanted your friends. Friends who held Infinity Stones.

Even when I told you in this place, you dismissed me and my concerns.

[rebuildyourruins]

I don't know, because it didn't happen.

[How can Thor tell Loki now what he might have done differently? He can't go back to a time before he knew all of this and answer truthfully. He grits his teeth in frustration for a moment.]

I wasn't dismissing you. There was more I had to consider than just-- just you.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki smiles bitterly at that. ]

No doubt.

[ still he waves a flippant hand. ]

It's not your mistake to bear.

[rebuildyourruins]

Damn it, Loki, I wasn't claiming it was. I just wanted-- an answer.

[A reason. Something to slot into the holes that were blown through his life so he can at least look at it and think, all right, that's what happened there.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ he purses his lips tightly before replying, in an even tone. ]

I took it because it presented an opportunity, a means of escape. I took it because we had nothing and it could have been a useful tool. I took it because I needed a way to leave if things changed between us.

The mistake I made was staying. I should have left. I should have died alone.

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor slams his glass down on the table before grabbing Loki by the shoulder, pulling him in face to face.]

Don't. There's much I could be angry about with what happened - but claiming that is the worst of all.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki flinches at the sound, but his shoulders square up despite himself. ]

Just because you don't like it does not make it false, Thor.

[rebuildyourruins]

Nor does your saying it make it true.

[dothelokimotion]

[ his expression was firm. ]

We both know it's true. You even believed it briefly when he came.

I should have done the right thing. But I chose to stay. That judgement is on me. And no one else.

[rebuildyourruins]

The right thing would have been talking to me about it first so we could decide on something together.

[With a sharp shake of the head, Thor looks away.]

I don't want to argue about this. There is little point - it already happened.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki's face tightens and his fingers curl into fists. ]

. . . Fine.

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor especially doesn't want to talk about Loki thinking it would have been better to die alone. He doesn't agree. Can't agree. He hates everything that happened, but imagining it going the same way with Loki isolated...?

He's silent for a long few moments before he speaks again, something defeated in his tone.]

If that had happened, I would never have known. I'd be expecting you to come back again.

[Forever.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ his expression twists at that. it sounds tragic, but — ]

Would you? Or would it be more realistic your lying brother ran off when things got difficult?