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[dothelokimotion]

( you can reach Loki here )

Comments

[rebuildyourruins]

Not that I don't appreciate the thought. [He shakes his head.] But I don't think it matters at this point. I'm not going to think of you as one.

[dothelokimotion]

Oh?

[ loki smiles faintly. ]

So what do you think of me as?

[rebuildyourruins]

Family.

[That's all he says. It's all he needs to say.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ damn sentimentality. damn that it keeps him here, even now. damn the impulse to hope, even now. hasn't he learned better? ]

You truly are hopeless, brother.

[rebuildyourruins]

You saying it over and over doesn't make it true.

[Not yet, at least.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ a small huff as he takes a sip. ]

No, I suppose not. I've come to expect it anyway.

[ softer. ]

Perhaps I need it to exist.

[rebuildyourruins]

You do?

[It's not the kind of sentiment Loki usually admits to.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ he's dead. at this point, what harm would sentiment do to him? that being said, there's still a thread of embarrassment that comes from saying so out loud and loki immediately slides his gaze away, nervous. ]

Don't look so surprised, Thor. Have some confidence.

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor huffs a laugh, familiar enough with Loki's discomfort.]

Sorry. I don't doubt you! It's just a force of habit.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki scowls which eventually devolves into a pout. ]

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor sips at his drink to hide his smile.]

Perhaps if you said it more often, I would grow used to it.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki shoots him a dirty look. ]

Don't push your luck.

[rebuildyourruins]

[All Loki gets in response is a chuckle, low and familiar.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki merely huffs. ]

Either way, it should be obvious. I made things painfully clear before my . . . parting.

[rebuildyourruins]

[It's the most apt description Loki could give. Thor wilts a little before nodding.]

Yeah. You did. Little though I like to think back on that moment.

[Staring into his glass for a moment, Thor takes a deep breath then turns to look at Loki. There's a question that's been plaguing him ever since that day and there's never been a good time to ask it. There still isn't one, but he has to ask, while things are as calm as they can be.]

Why didn't you tell me you had the Tesseract?

[dothelokimotion]

[ ah. loki's surprised this wasn't asked sooner, though they did have other things on their mind. he plays with his glass, absently. ]

The Tesseract was meant to be my means of escape. In case of Earth or . . . other complications.

[ in case thor changed his mind. or asgard. loki wasn't a fool. one good deed didn't change his standing. the possibility of being thrown out was still likely. a quiet pause. ]

It was also meant to be my bargaining chip. The Tesseract for a life. You knowing those things wouldn't have changed it.

[rebuildyourruins]

You don't know that.

[It comes out a little terse. Because if Thor had known about the Tesseract, there's every chance Loki would have had to speak about Thanos too. And if they had known in advance--]

You should have told me.

[dothelokimotion]

[ his eyes flash briefly. ]

And you would have done what, exactly? You wanted us to go to Earth. You wanted your friends. Friends who held Infinity Stones.

Even when I told you in this place, you dismissed me and my concerns.

[rebuildyourruins]

I don't know, because it didn't happen.

[How can Thor tell Loki now what he might have done differently? He can't go back to a time before he knew all of this and answer truthfully. He grits his teeth in frustration for a moment.]

I wasn't dismissing you. There was more I had to consider than just-- just you.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki smiles bitterly at that. ]

No doubt.

[ still he waves a flippant hand. ]

It's not your mistake to bear.

[rebuildyourruins]

Damn it, Loki, I wasn't claiming it was. I just wanted-- an answer.

[A reason. Something to slot into the holes that were blown through his life so he can at least look at it and think, all right, that's what happened there.]

[dothelokimotion]

[ he purses his lips tightly before replying, in an even tone. ]

I took it because it presented an opportunity, a means of escape. I took it because we had nothing and it could have been a useful tool. I took it because I needed a way to leave if things changed between us.

The mistake I made was staying. I should have left. I should have died alone.

[rebuildyourruins]

[Thor slams his glass down on the table before grabbing Loki by the shoulder, pulling him in face to face.]

Don't. There's much I could be angry about with what happened - but claiming that is the worst of all.

[dothelokimotion]

[ loki flinches at the sound, but his shoulders square up despite himself. ]

Just because you don't like it does not make it false, Thor.

[rebuildyourruins]

Nor does your saying it make it true.